


Admin Richard Simmons has made A Huge Mistake

by Saturn_the_Almighty



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Colored Text, Multi, Oops, chatfic, workskin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-24
Updated: 2019-05-10
Packaged: 2020-01-31 07:32:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18586663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saturn_the_Almighty/pseuds/Saturn_the_Almighty
Summary: HIATUS I can't rnSimmons makes a groupchat. This go downhill from there.Featuring shenanigans, shippy stuff and just general RvB mayhem.idk when I'm gonna update this but it's w/e. Have fun.Edit: Changed title bc I hate the quotations.





	1. Chapter 1

**_Basebook has updated!_**

**_Admin Richard Simmons has created New Group Reds and Blues_**

**_Admin Richard Simmons has restricted chat settings_ **

**_Admin Richard Simmons has added Dexter Grif to Reds and Blues_ **

**_. . ._ **

what is this?

What does it look like, dumbass? It's a group chat.

simmons

what-- and cannot stress this enough, HAVE YOU DONE??

Our helmet radios are fried half the time, this is a much more efficient way to communicate.

wait...

why did you only add me

I figured adding members slowly over the course of several hours would reduce the size of the inevitable clusterfuck?

add sarge last

Noted ❤

aakjhsdlkfs wait no I didn't mean to do that

lmao

shut up

 **_Admin Richard Simmons has a_** _ **dded Washington to Reds and Blues** _  
_**Added Michael J. Caboose to Reds and Blues**_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Catch me NOT updating my Longfic oops


	2. Chapter 2

This is...

Simmons, you're going to regret doing this, I think.

thats what i said

It's better than screaming at each other from across the base!

yes helllo I do bppnot like the screaming so thiss tyeah this is better

Caboose, do you have speech to text on?

???

Where are you, I'll come help.

_**Michael J. Caboose has shared their location with Washington** _

I'll be right back.

_**Washington has left Reds and Blues** _   
_**Michael J. Caboose has left Reds and Blues** _

hey Simmons make me an admin

Why?

just do it, i promise it wont be bad

I hope you can hear my long-suffering sigh from over there...

_**Admin Richard Simmons has made Dexter Grif Admin** _

cool thanks

 _**Admin Dexter Grif has changed chat name to Colorful Clusterfuck**_  
_**Admin Dexter Grif has changed name tag to Orange Creamsicle**_  
_**Admin Dexter Grif has turned name tags ON** _

Orange Creamsicle: see? Nothing bad

Richard Simmons: Again. Why?

Orange Creamsicle: wait one more thing

_**Admin Orange Creamsicle has changed Richard Simmons' name tag to Big Dick Energy**_

Orange Creamsicle: there we go

Big Dick Energy: No. I'm changing it back.

_**Admin Orange Creamsicle has locked name tag settings** _

Orange Creamsicle: im sorry, youre doing what?

Big Dick Energy: I'm serious, Grif! This isn't funny!

Big Dick Energy: Please change it to something else...

Orange Creamsicle: now its my turn for a long suffering sigh

_**Admin Orange Creamsicle has changed Big Dick Energy's name tag to ❤❤❤**_

Orange Creamsicle: better?

❤❤❤: I guess.

_**Washington has joined Colorful Clusterfuck** _   
_**Michael J. Caboose has joined Colorful Clusterfuck** _

Michael J. Caboose: Yay! Thank you agent Washington!

Michael J. Caboose: oh my gosh I can say things whenever I want now without the tiny letter keys

Washington: You're welcome, Caboose. I know how hard it is to type with gloves on.

Washington: Wait... What happened to the chat name?

Michael J. Caboose: Yes! Why does it say that?

Michael J. Caboose: It sounds like something Church would say...

❤❤❤: I accidentally gave Grif admin powers...

_**Orange Creamsicle has left Colorful Clusterfuck** _

❤❤❤: Don't run away from your problems, Grif!!


	3. Chapter 3

_**Admin Orange Creamsicle has changed Washington's name tag to One More Lap**_  
_**Admin Orange Creamsicle has changed Michael J. Caboose's name tag to Freckles' Best Friend**  _  
_**Admin ❤❤❤**_ _ **has added Franklin Delano Donut to Colorful Clusterfuck**  _  
_**Admin**_ _ **❤❤❤ has added Lavernius Tucker to Colorful Clusterfuck**_

Lavernius Tucker: what the fuck, Simmons

❤❤❤: Why does everyone hate this?

Orange Creamsicle: because we see enough of each other already

Lavernius Tucker: yeah, we don't need 24/7 contact

Franklin Delano Donut: I think it's great! Especially since we're on opposite sides of the base half the time.

Lavernius Tucker: if you're gonna drag me into this at least give me a cool nickname

Orange Creamsicle: what constitutes cool

Lavernius Tucker: I wanna be the chosen one

Orange Creamsicle: thats lame and overdone

**_Admin Orange Creamsicle has changed Lavernius Tucker's name tag to Santa's Favorite_**

Santa's Favorite: are you kidding me

❤❤❤: Technically it is true.

Santa's Favorite: I hate this even more now

Franklin Delano Donut: Oooh do me! Do me!

**_Admin Orange Creamsicle has changed Franklin Delano Donuts name tag to It's Fashion, Simmons_**

❤❤❤: No! You cannot wear a kitten onesie OVER your armor and call it fashion!!

Orange Creamsicle: But it's fashion, Simmons.

It's Fashion, Simmons: it's fashion, Simmons.

One More Lap: What am I missing?

Orange Creamsicle: its a red team thing you wouldnt get it

Santa's Favorite: is being hopelessly in love with each other and never doing a thing about it also a red team thing?

❤❤❤: I have no idea what you're talking about.

Santa's Favorite: Grif changed your name a bunch of hearts... But no, that can't possibly mean anything.

Orange Creamsicle: its a callback to the genesis of this chat

Orange Creamsicle: but it was set to private messaging

Orange Creamsicle: so you wont find it

It's Fashion, Simmons: Tucker, just let them be closeted in peace

Santa's Favorite: you've been trying to get a boyfriend for a year and a half, Donut. Doesn't their missing out on happiness make your chest ache?

One More Lap: I'm gonna be honest, I feel nauseated reading that. It doesn't sound like you, Tucker.

It's Fashion, Simmons: I don't know what me not having a boyfriend has to do with anything.

It's Fashion, Simmons: But for the record, that guy in the mess hall who served me hydrated potato powder made eye contact for a whole two seconds.

It's Fashion, Simmons: He had a pierced septum.

One More Lap: Go make out with him

Santa's Favorite: fuck him in a storage closet

Orange Creamsicle: i second that

❤❤❤: Ask him out first!!

One More Lap: Simmons. A war just ended. People are craving any kind of human connection that doesn't involve applying pressure to a bleeding wound.

One More Lap: So maybe make out with him first. THEN go fuck him a storage closet


	4. Chapter 4

**_Admin ❤❤❤ has added Epsilon to Colorful Clusterfuck_ **  
_**Added Carolina to Colorful Clusterfuck**_  
_**Added Lopez La Pesado to Colorful Clusterfuck**_  
**_Admin Orange Creamsicle has changed Epsilon's name tag to Bootleg Church_ **  
**_Changed Carolina's name tag to What color is that?_ **

What color is that?: I don't like my name.

What color is that?: Grif, change it to something else.

Orange Creamsicle: what do you want it to be

What color is that?: surprise me

**_Admin Orange Creamsicle has changed What color is that?'s name tag to Let it Go_ **

Let it Go: Ha ha.

Orange Creamsicle: its a callback to that one time you left us to go be dramatic and take down freelancer

Orange Creamsicle: remember that

Let it Go: Yes, Grif. I do remember that.

❤❤❤: I know you're trying to be bitter but that joke doesn't really make sense.

Let it Go: It's fine. At this point it's more of a reminder.

Orange Creamsicle: a daily to do list

Orange Creamsicle: so you can remind yourself to chill out

Let it Go: Exactly.

Bootleg Church: Okay. Who do I need to kill?

❤❤❤: Definitely Grif. He's the one with name changing Admin powers.

Bootleg Church: No, not that. I like my name. It's accurate.

Bootleg Church: But somebody spilled a bucket of melted crayons on Caboose's head and now he won't stop crying.

One More Lap: It was probably Caboose.

Let it Go: It was. I saw him do it.

It's Fashion, Simmons: How did he spill a bucket on his own head??

Let it Go: I think it was Palomo who walked by and wanted to see if he could lift it above his head.

One More Lap: They're all impressed by Caboose's strength. I once saw him bench-press Leiutenant Andersmtih.

Bootleg Church: Okay, Superhuman Caboose aside, Somebody get me Grif's hairdryer.

Bootleg Church: Wait. Give it to C.

Bootleg Church: I don't have hands.


	5. Caboose Protection Squad!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapter update go back and read the other one!!
> 
> It's time to introduce the Caboose Protection Squad!

**_Admin Freckles' Best Friend created new group chat I need help_ **  
**_Admin Freckles' Best Friend made One More Lap Admin_ **  
**_Made Orange Creamsicle Admin_ **

Freckles' Best Friend: SOMEBODY HELP!!!

 **_Admin Orange Creamsicle changed chat name to Caboose Protection Squad_ **  
**_Admin One More Lap changed name tag to Wash_ **  
**_Changed Freckles' Best Friend's name tag to Caboose_ **  
**_Changed Orange Creamsicle's name tag to Grif_ **

Grif: what

Caboose: I don't know what to get Leiutenant Andersmith for his birthday!!!

Wash: That's alright. I'm sure anything you give him will be perfect.

Grif: yeah he worships you

Grif: you could give him a handshake and hed faint

Wash: Or... You could give him a hug?

Caboose: I love hugs!

Wash: And Leiutenant Andersmith loves hugs too.

Wash: Especially from his captain.

Caboose: Yes!! Oh thank you!! I will go give him a hug right now!!

Wash: Wait, Caboose. When is Leiutenant Andersmith's birthday?

Caboose: Tomorrow

Wash: Then why don't you wait until then?

Caboose: But I'm so excited right now!! I don't wanna wait!!

Grif: why dont we throw him a party

Grif: a small one with just us and the other Lts

Wash: That's actually a great idea.

Wash: Caboose, why don't you come over and help us plan a surprise party for Leiutenant Andersmith?

Caboose: OH MY GOSH!! That is such a good idea!! Thank you Griff! Thank you Wash!!

Grif: how did speech to text spell my name wrong

Wash: Just remember not to tell anyone. We want this to be a fun surprise for Leiutenant Andersmith.

Caboose: Okay!!

**_Wash has left Caboose Protection Squad_ **

**_• • •_ **

**_Washington has opened New Private Message with Carolina_ **

Make sure Andersmith doesn't catch wind of his surprise party. Caboose has a little trouble with keeping secrets.

Will do. I've been meaning to teach him hand-to-hand. Think that'll keep him busy?

If you can get him to spend the rest of the day away from Caboose I will be impressed. Just do your best.

Always.

  
**• • •**

**_Washington has joined Caboose Protection Squad_ **

Grif: did you notice that the initials of this chat are cps

Wash: Yeah?

Grif: like child protective services

Wash: Oh.

Grif: same concept right

Wash: Better execution, obviously

Caboose: I told the red Sargent that I was on a secret mission and now he wants to be on our secret party planning team

**_Admin Caboose has added Sarge to Caboose Protection Squad_ **

Sarge: I heard there were secret plans.

Wash: Of course you did.

Wash: Keep this a secret but were throwing Leuitenant Andersmith a surprise birthday party.

Grif: and it would be a miracle if this goes without a hitch

Sarge: Please! I'm your man! They call me Hitchless Sarge!

Wash: Please never say that again.

**_Grif has taken a screenshot_ **

Grif: oops

Grif: i just want that to be immortalized forever

Wash: Can we please stay on track here?

Sarge: 'Course! Not that I'm takin' orders from a Blue. We're just on the same page. It's a coincidence!

Wash: Thanks, Sarge.

**_Grif has taken a screenshot_ **

Wash: I want you to stop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I find it funny that Sarge isn't in the main chat yet but he's in the Caboose one.


	6. it requires skill

You do it.

no you

I'm not going to!

but you said you would

I said I was going to stagger it.

looks pretty staggered to me

face it

the longer you leave him out the more likely he is to take it out on me

protect my beautiful face Simmons

Fine.

love you

_**Orange Creamsicle has left Private Message** _

What.

Grif? GRIF??

 _**Admin Orange Creamsicle enabled Ghost Admin features** _  
_**Ghost Admin Orange Creamsicle changed ❤❤❤'s name tag to My Savior** _

_**• • •** _

_**Admin My Savior added Sarge to Colorful Clusterfuck** _  
_**Admin Orange Creamsicle gave One More Lap guest Admin privilege** _  
_**Guest Admin One More Lap changed Sarge's name tag to Strawberry Yoohoo** _

My Savior: Alright, enough.

My Savior: Is this everyone?

 _**Admin My Savior enabled Roll Call** _  
_**Admin My Savior used chat command Roll Call** _

Richard Simmons aka. My Savior

Dexter Grif aka. Orange Creamsicle

Michael J. Caboose aka. Freckles' Best Friend

Washington aka. One More Lap

Lavernius Tucker aka. Santa's Favorite

Franklin Delano Donut aka. It's Fashion, Simmons

Carolina aka. Let It Go

Lopez La Pesado

Epsilon aka. Bootleg Church

Sarge aka. Strawberry Yoohoo

Orange Creamsicle: i think that is everyone

It's Fashion, Simmons: No it's not.

It's Fashion, Simmons: We forgot Doc.

My Savior: Oh. Oops.

Orange Creamsicle: wait consider this

Orange Creamsicle: dont

_**Admin My Savior added Frank DuFresne to Colorful Clusterfuck** _

Orange Creamsicle: fuck you Simmons

My Savior: I'll consider it.

It's Fashion, Simmons: Wow, you're so much more composed over chat.

My Savior: aasdagfsgaza no I'm not

Strawberry Yoohoo: Oh, a keysmash. Donut told me all about those!

It's Fashion, Simmons: Acadfacsrasfagsf I did not!!

Santa's Favorite: No no, you're not doing it right. It's more like

Santa's Favorite: asdssrsxerdfdfacadstada

It's Fashion, Simmons: Ew, Tucker, no. Leave this to the bottoms.

My Savior: I'm not a bottom!

Orange Creamsicle: he is

My Savior: You wouldn't know!

Strawberry Yoohoo: Men! Let me handle this.

Strawberry Yoohoo: asgdzxgafddfgtga

One More Lap: Wrong again. I believed in you, Sarge. Let me show you how it's done.

One More Lap: asdfgjkl;jfdflkjgfsda;;asdfjkljf

My Savior: Whoa.

_**Strawberry Yoohoo took a screenshot** _

It's Fashion, Simmons: A single line keysmash. With semicolons. That's next-level.

Santa's Favorite: Wash, I didn't know you were a bottom.

One More Lap: Keysmashes are for verses too.

Orange Creamsicle: what are we doing lol

My Savior: Hey, quick question? How are you doing this with speech to text?

One More Lap: Pure skill.

Doc: Hi guys!

Doc: What's happening??

Doc: I feel like I'm having a stroke.

It's Fashion, Simmons: It's the power of the gays, don't worry about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm heading out of town for the weekend so take this to tide y'all over. Formatting sucks.


End file.
